Great(ish) Expectations

Advice From A Random Stranger

The First Date… From a Guy’s Perspective

So we’ve all been stuck in that “What did I do wrong? Why didn’t he call?, I hope he didn’t get hit by a car and is now lying in the hospital in a coma” feeling after a first date. It sucks. Especially after he gazed into your eyes, then planted that hot, kind of shy first date kiss with very little tongue, but just enough to leave you wanting more. You could just feel the chemistry dripping out of your pores. Total life changing stuff- and then… nothing. Why? You will probably never know. He may not even know. So what do you do? You go out and try it again with someone else. Here are a few tips from the other side of the Applebee’s booth to help you navigate a first date.
I’m just a normal twenty-nine year old single guy living in Naples Florida, the geriatric sandbox of the world. A girl who I started dating a couple of years back got me in to blogging and although the relationship didn’t work out, the blogging stuck with me.I don’t usually write about relationships or feelings on my blog, but the more I read about those things from the female perspective, the more I’ve felt the urge to share. So, when Margo asked me to do some guest posts, with my take from a guy’s perspective, I thought I’d give it a try.

Like everybody, I’ve had my share of relationships, heartbreaks and dating mistakes. By no means does that make me a dating expert; but I do analyze everything, so sometimes I have beneficial insight. If you don’t agree with my point of view or you have something to add, feel free.

Here you go ladies, your guide to a first date, Do’s and Don’ts!

No grand gestures:

On a first date flowers and fine dining only create pressure and set the bar too high for reality. I know he’s probably doing the planning for the first date, but try to suggest low-key. Bars are too loud and all you can do is drink, movies are too quiet and awkward, if you go with an un-traditional date like kayaking and you don’t like him, you’re stuck with him for a looong time. That’s why I love a nice laid back atmosphere like a pizza place where we can be relaxed, order some drinks and we don’t need forks and knives. Plus I can play around with you about what your topping selections say about your personality. First dates are pressure enough, a relaxed environment will make you both more comfortable and you’ll get to know each other better.

Meet there – insist on it:

I automatically question any girl who tells a stranger her address and gets in the car with him on a first date. Even if that first car ride ends without you being tied up in the trunk, what if this guy turns out to be p-s-y-c-h-o and now he knows where you live? Plus, him dropping you off at your place can lead to other things which are a bad idea on a first date. Drive separately and keep yourself in control.

Make it on a weekday:

The problem with weekend dates is that there’s no set ending point because you don’t have to be up for work the next day. BAD IDEA. If your good date’s going well you want it to end early and leave the other person wanting more. Stretching out a good dinner with a walk to the ice cream place around the corner or a quick drink (not drinks) at the bar next door is okay. Stretching a first date out more than an hour past dinner is a mistake. That’s why weeknight dates are great. #1 – there are fewer people out to ogle your first date experience (and let’s face it, people know you’re on a first date) #2 – You have to be up for work the next day so you have to be in bed early – it’s a way to keep the date to a guaranteed length. “I have to be home by 10:30 because I have work tomorrow”

Don’t have your friend call you to get you out of the date:

We’re all familiar with the emergency bailout call and here’s some advice…It’s lame and cowardly. You’re already on the date, if it’s that awful then just tell the person and leave. If you know it’s not going to work but it’s not disastrous, suck it up. Try to enjoy yourself and get to know a new person, he might even be a good connection in the future. Use it as practice to hone your dating skills. Besides, you’re getting a fed. It’s an hour of your time, not the end of the world.

Offer to pay:

There’s no way he should allow you to pay, but offering is key. I would never let a girl pay on the first date, but I will judge her on whether or not she at least makes a legitimate sounding offer to pick up her share You don’t need to insist – just offer. If he accepts on the first offer he might not like you. If you want to stretch the date in to dinner or ice cream you can use this as a transition “okay, you bought dinner, let me buy you a drink”.

Don’t let it go farther than a really good goodnight kiss:

Have you ever found your future spouse by sleeping with somebody on the first date? Neither have I. So don’t do it. If you’ve had a good connection so far, your hormones are going nuts and you want do a lot of kissing – because girls like to kiss a lot even if doesn’t lead to anything – even though I’ve learned that fact, I still don’t understand it 😉
A really good, deep goodnight kiss is all you really need. You will either leave him wanting more or thinking you’re a prude for not taking it farther. If he thinks you’re a prude, he wasn’t worth it anyway.

Do not send an “I had a great time tonight text”:

In fact the only text it’s okay to send the same night is if the other person asks you to text that you got home safely. And then the only thing you should write is “got home safely, good night” Do not leave things open for a 3 hour text conversation. By saying goodnight you’ve closed the window and you’re not required to answer any other text that you get sent (even though it’s probably eating at your insides not to) If he says “had a great time tonight” you might be able to get away with a “me too” but leave it at that and no more responses. Trust Me.

I put the last one in red because I totally agree! I was actually going to do a post about this- but now I don’t think I need to because we’ve heard it right from the source!

Set up the next date or cut it loose:

As a guy I can tell you it’s a lot to always be the one setting up dates, and it’s annoying to be left hanging when you thought a date was good, but a girl didn’t have that same feeling. If the date went well, try setting up the next date. If it didn’t go well, don’t ignore my calls or texts, just tell me you’re not feeling it and we can both feel like adults.

If you do decide to try to plan the next date, a group setting on a Friday night can be fun. “I’m going out with a group to a local bar, if you’re interested” or if you want solo how about “There’s this great local spot I’ve been meaning to try, I’d love to buy dinner since you bought last time”. But always remember to ask what they’re up do first, because if you suggest first and they’re not available then you’ve already put yourself and your date idea out there.
Look at these two examples:
Example 1:
You: “what are your plans for the weekend?”
Him: “Oh, I’m doing this, this and this”
You: “oh, that sounds like an awesome weekend”
-You’ve committed nothing so you’re not stuck in an awkward position and you’re still in control of the next offer.
Example 2:
You: “I was wondering if you’d like to grab dinner Saturday night”
Him: “oh, I can’t I have plans”

-Now you’ve thrown your offer out there so the next step is either to make 2 offers in a row or wait for him to make an offer – you’ve lost control

What do you think ladies? Do you agree or disagree? Have I left anything out?


One comment on “The First Date… From a Guy’s Perspective

  1. Pingback: The First Date… From a Guy's Perspective (via Great(ish) Expectations) « DatingTheLove

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This entry was posted on August 5, 2011 by in Advice, Dating and tagged , , , , , , , , .
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